After our nearly three-year story, I’m letting go. You let go a long time ago, and I realize that it is time for me to do the same. I’m letting go of everything I thought that we would become. I’m letting go of thinking of you every single day, more than once. I’m letting go of secretly hoping that we will one day end up together. I’m letting go of waiting. I have realized once and for all that I am not meant to be with you. You know how much I cared about you, so I will not go into that in this letter.
I have told you how I feel about you for years. I allowed you into the deepest part of my heart. I allowed you to know me better than I knew myself, and for that I am extremely regretful. I have learned that no man should ever open up as far as I opened up to you. Nothing is forever, and there is no reason to be so vulnerable. I gave you parts of myself that have taken many months to get back. I put you above myself…something that I will never do again for the rest of my life. I am my top priority, no one else.
I look back on our relationship and sometimes find myself wishing that it never happened. I’m not sure if I actually mean that, because, after all, everyone says it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I’m not so sure though, because you hurt me in a way that I didn’t know was possible. I loved you with every single part of me. And when we were over, I felt as if I had lost all of those thousands of parts. You left me broken... I still feel broken sometimes. Maybe we went wrong because of the timing. Maybe it’s because we were still growing into ourselves, although I guess there is no use in speculating why things worked out the way they did. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. I want you to know I think you are an amazing person. I don’t blame you for the way you hurt me. I recognize that was not your intention. I know you will do great things in life, and you deserve every inch of it. God has taught me so much about myself this past year.
In hindsight, I consider our break up a blessing. But, despite the fact that I have been growing a lot, I still have a lot of healing to do. In order to do that, I need to tell you goodbye. Because every time I make the decision to be your friend, I fall harder. When you call me, it is different to me than it is to you. I have learned that the way I care about you is much deeper than your present feelings for me, and I can’t truly move on until I cut you out of my life completely. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. This is something I have to do for me, in order to love myself again, and someone else. Thank you for everything you have taught me. It’s been a long, crazy ride. Goodbye...
---
My hand literally sweating and cold reading this, and my heart never been bumping this fast. I feel like life actually leaving me, even i must say that things do happen because of a reason. I'm sorry for hurting you in a way that I couldn't even imagine, the way that I would never understand the pain that you've been through. I'm also sorry for never want to try anything with you, to never jump to any situation and go with you. I knew that this will happen eventually, and I never thought this will also leave me broken. you are all that makes me feel like I'm worth any kind of pain and happiness, the guy that always say something I expect to hear, a friend who could hurt me and makes me cry like a lover does. you brought me into your beautiful mind and heart, taught me to discover my self in a better way, your beautiful taste in music and film, all great talks that we've shared, the way we finish each others lines and no guys could ever top that. Thank you for inspiring me.
Remember when I was saying that what happen if you leave me ? I said, I'll be devastated, I'll lost you, and I'll lost love. I think it's happening. I don't want to hurt you more, I don't think any human could bear the pain anymore, and it is your time to letting me go, I wish I could take away your pain, but I think I will hurt you more. I hope you can love yourself again, and someone else. Goodbye.. I'll lost you, I'll miss you bad.. and somehow, you're in my heart...
No comments:
Post a Comment