lonely you, lonely me

I've waited for too long, too long to understand what is really going on. People keep saying to hold on to, but frankly, I was never sure, expectations and expectations.

I sometimes doesn't really get the point, why can't love just be enough, enough just to know our feelings and how you always say i am beautiful because of my mess. I am still craving from all our memories, put them together in a frame, is that us ? just ending with a frame of memories, built from our laughter and tears ?

remember when we hold hands, on our day ? your face is look up the ceilings, and i can remember clearly, i put my cheek on your shoulder, and you wiped the tears cos i couldn't stop crying as you flashback our stories, i can hear your heart tear apart, like mine. Then you asked me, 'why now ?', and i said 'because i can't guarantee that tomorrow will be ok love'.

Maybe part of loving is learning to let go. Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak, sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. It's so curious, at some point i can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief, and some point i just being a girl, a weak one and stupid one with tears, with dreams full of you, turns everything become a reminder of us. But what is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you. God,I miss you like hell.

But, there are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt. There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. "Old times" never come back and I suppose it's just as well. What comes back is a new morning every day in the year, and that's better. That was rough.... Thing to do now is try and forget it.... I guess I don't quite mean that. It's not a thing you can forget. Maybe not even a thing you want to forget.

♡